


Road Rage

by Tsula



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: But Emmett would have laughed his ass off, Edward is not amused, Explicit Language, F/M, People being stupid, Reader is a bad ass, Road Rage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-08
Updated: 2016-12-08
Packaged: 2018-09-07 05:20:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8784709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsula/pseuds/Tsula
Summary: The owner of the big, white pickup truck had also pulled off the road, not satisfied with having nearly caused an accident by being utterly insane. 
Rather than calling Edward though, a sudden wash of unmitigated rage had you digging in the glove box as they got out of their truck and stomped your way. Besides, if anything bad was going to happen to you he would show up anyway courtesy of Alice. 
The other driver was a pretty big guy though and had this ugly look on his face that would have scared you if you weren’t so furious… and armed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my revision folder foreeeeeeeever. Like seriously more than a year (probably more than two at this point) and I really haven't changed much since putting it in there. 
> 
> It was inspired by an episode of World's Dumbest and I wrote it up immediately... only to leave it collecting dust for ages cause I was just like "meh" with it. But it's reader bamfery plus a dash of Edward, so I figured wth. Plus I didn't exactly get much in the way of writing done while on the road all day, even though I wasn't the one driving. >.>;

Nothing seemed to showcase the low points of humanity quite as effectively as traffic. Once inside the safety of their cars people were all too eager to turn on one another. They’d start screaming angrily at strangers, cutting in front of others like bullies in a lunch line, and gratuitously using their horns to broadcast their displeasure. 

You’d had your fair share of road-rage frankly, but there were limits. Swearing and speeding were bad enough and made you feel silly after the fact, but you were never so downright reckless as to cut dangerously close to a car you’d passed or worse yet ride someone’s bumper for miles. You actually cared about making it home in one piece and knew that riding too close would give you no chance to avoid an accident if the person ahead had to hit their breaks. Sadly, very few people seemed to be smart enough to figure this out or just didn’t care. Maybe they even thought themselves invincible in their speedy metal deathtraps. They certainly acted like they thought that, at any rate. 

Which included the idiot blaring their horn behind you. Someone who was obviously not among the handful of 'smart' drivers left in the world. They had decided to stay so close to your bumper that even a quick tap on the breaks would probably cause them to rear end you. However, you found yourself more amused than furious with the situation for several reasons. Though, mainly it was the fact that they didn’t _have_ to stay behind you. There was another lane and they’d had countless chances to move over and go around. Yet the self-entitled idiot was staying right on your tail and non-verbally demanding that _you_ be the one to move over. 

Your reaction to this was not to speed up or move over though. You were already doing the speed limit before they had pulled up behind you and you were well within your rights to be exactly where you were. So, when they continued to stay on your tail and blare their horn at you, you took your foot off the gas little by little until you were going forty in a sixty-five. 

This was your way of saying ‘go fuck yourself’ and it usually worked to get idiots off your back. 

Not this time however. The person behind you crept down to the same speed much to your surprise and kept at it with the horn, even going so far as to flash their lights at you. It was unnerving that someone would be _that_ stubborn. The level of ego in this move was freaking staggering. That they would subject themselves to ever decreasing speeds just to make someone move out of their way spoke of serious issues.

This person really did not need to be driving. 

You were just starting to get weirded out enough to call Edward—after all, this person was clearly nuts—when they finally swerved into the other lane and sped up. You let out a sigh of relief that morphed almost immediately into a gasp when the person nearly smashed into the front of your car. They cut in front of you at an angle so that you had to jerk the wheel to the side and slam on your breaks. 

The earsplitting sound of your tires screaming from the sudden stop on the side of the road was almost completely overwritten by the sound of your heart pounding in your ears. 

The owner of the big, white pickup truck had also pulled off the road, not satisfied with having nearly caused an accident by being utterly insane. 

Rather than calling Edward though, a sudden wash of unmitigated rage had you digging in the glove box as they got out of their truck and stomped your way. Besides, if anything bad was going to happen to you he would show up anyway courtesy of Alice. 

The other driver was a pretty big guy though and had this ugly look on his face that would have scared you if you weren’t so furious… and armed. He looked like just about every generic redneck that ever showed up on TV. Large, stupid, and wearing blue jean overalls. A thought that actually amused you and lent a few ideas about what insults to spew at him. You even went so far as to roll the window down as he came up to you looking ready to pull you bodily from the car. 

“You stupid cunt,” he seethed the second he was in range. “Where the fuck did you learn to drive?” 

His statement added a little more to your rage, but you managed to keep your response coherent rather than letting it turn into the spew of profanities that tickled the end of your tongue. 

“I could ask the same of you, but I think your inability to obey traffic laws speaks for itself.” You said coolly and felt a surge of pleasure at how aloof you sounded. “I’m guessing you picked up your shitty driving skills off of reruns of cops when you weren’t too busy fucking your sister.” 

His face went from heated to hellfire with nothing in between. He started to reach in through the window with a slew of threats that included ‘beat your ass’, but he stopped short when he felt something cold and metallic under his chin. 

“I’m sorry,” you said with a mocking smile so wide it actually hurt. Every ouch of rage poured right out of the man and in its place was a fear so potent you could _taste_ it. “I could have sworn you mentioned something about an ass beating.” Just to further taunt the foolhardy man, you stroked your chin thoughtfully with your free hand. “Were you asking for one perhaps?” 

He tried to stammer out something that sounded vaguely apologetic, but he was having trouble stringing two words together. Apparently all that rage and size that made him appear intimidating was more or less a show. Just the brush of metal under his chin was enough to make him damn near wet himself. He didn’t even know for sure that it was a gun, but he certainly didn’t look too interested in finding out. 

It was the first time you truly felt pleased at having gotten your permit to appease Edward's worries a little. Though it was also the first time you'd ever had occasion to brandish the weapon. 

“No?” You pressed the gun a little harder to his chin and even cocked it just to really freak him out. “You sure?” 

He didn’t even try to answer and instead bolted like spooked animal. He took off in his generic, ‘good ole boy’ pickup before he’d even closed the door and left you in a spray of dust that had you laughing your ass off. Never in your life had you seen someone so utterly terrified. 

It was thrilling and awesome to the point it kept you laughing all the way home. The tinge of fear and potent rage fell far into the background in favor of glee. You’d never seen anyone so big and mean turn tail that fast. 

You were still snickering as you walked in the front door and found Edward reading in the living room. 

His brows were raised and a smile was already on his handsome face. No doubt he’d heard you laughing all the way up the driveway and it made him happy. He always was put into a better mood from the sound of your laughter. "You're in a good mood." 

You giggled and enjoyed the not-so-subtle curiosity coloring his observation. He tried not to read your mind if he could help it, because you weren’t generally too happy with someone poking around in your head. Though you were surprised your thoughts weren’t outright broadcasting in your state of euphoric glee. "I got to pull my gun on someone!" 

It took a second for him to react, perhaps trying to gauge how serious you were, and then: "What!?" 

If anything that just made your elation even more profound. "Yep~ some idiot boxed me in and tried to yank me out of my car. He was threatening to beat my ass and what not, then he turned into a scared little pansy when he felt my gun under his chin!" 

The way you said this was so dismissive and yet amused that you could have been talking about something funny you’d seen on TV. It wasn't as though you didn't actually think anything of it, but you were still on a high from putting the fear of God into someone. Being feared was really a little addictive—no wonder Edward was so fond of that method. 

When you looked up said vampire had an expression that was torn between shock and rage. Apparently he didn't share either your thrill or your amusement at the situation. 

You sighed at the realization of what came next… which, really, you should have seen from a mile away. This was Edward, after all. "You're going to track him down, aren't you?" 

His lips quirked into a crooked smile that made your heart flutter. Though so did his sudden closeness when he came forward with that vampire super-speed, leaning in to better catch the scent of your would-be assailant. “I’ll be back shortly; try not to get into any trouble while I’m out.” 

The way he said that made it sound as though you were a walking magnet for disaster. It chaffed you a little honestly and you had half a mind to spite him over it. Though it took all of two seconds to dismiss the idea. If he didn’t preempt you on it, Alice certainly would.

Hard to be reckless when you had superpowered vampires who could read your mind and see the future. 

“I make no promises.” You shrugged while ascending the stairs to go hang out with Alice and Jasper, finding yourself suddenly needing the mood lift. 

It was just too bad Emmett wasn’t home. _He_ at least would have congratulated you on your moment of badassery.


End file.
